Aleatz Hates Australia('s Location)

Just so I don't get torn apart by fellow Aussies I've decided to add that last part. And that's what I'll be focusing on anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. Since Plague and I had a discussion on how 'Europeans are lucky' after hearing Puff (Virex) talk about his travels, I decided to post this. Ironically, a week after ANZAC Day.

A random teacher once said 'Why should I be patriotic? Did I choose to be born in this country?' Fine point there, sir. You didn't choose to be born in this country. But then again, I don't see you packing your bags for Russia once you hit eighteen either. Australia is the bees knees. It has a lot going for it. It has all the peaceful traits of New Zealand smashed with the excitement of America (yeah, um, *cough*). However, there's plenty of boourns to be discussed. Let us begin!

1) Big Island: Get this... Australia's an island. No really, I'm not making this shit up. It also happens to be the largest in the world. So not only is Australia an island, it's a bloody big island. There are a few positives about that. One would be the fact that if another country wants to fight us they have to swim a fair way to do it. Second one would be us having all this land to ourselves, the amazingly large 20 million population (might be a bit larger than that now) which we are.

Point is that it sucks being on a big-arse island. If you want to go to another country (like Tasmania) you have to FLY there, and that costs MONEY. Some people (like me) don't have money (but usually I just steal from Reo, so it all evens out). Being big also sucks, because if you want to go anywhere on this big island it takes a long time (and a lot of fuel) to do it. Everything is spread out stupidly. Just look at Perth.


2) Wholesale Screwage: We pay too much for crap. This is true. Video games are the worst offender, but there's plenty of other things that cost money which people don't have. The reason we get screwed into buying things which are more expensive than they should be, is because, again, we're a big f***ing island. Importing stuff costs more money (for shipping) and causes more hassle, so people don't do it unless it's something which they can't buy here.

Those lame people who flog stuff here know this, so they make us pay more than the rest of the world. It's supply and demand and they can rip us off because there's no one else to buy it from, because no one in Australia makes anything anymore. As sad as this is... Eh, that appears to be all I've got.


3) Global Fame: Want fame? Don't look for it in Australia. You won't be globally famous, even if you hit 'Delta' status (that's right. No one anywhere else but here gives a f*** about Delta Goodrem. Shocked much?). You could shoot someone famous here (like Chas from the Chasers, whom no one would want to shoot, but he's a fine example) and no one anywhere else in the world would notice or give a rat's arse. But if we're talking about Angelina Jolie's new face cream, WELL, it'll be in New Idea and all the housewives will know exactly how it stops them from looking ugly.

Steve Irwin proved that the only way of becoming truly famous (globally) in Australia is to 'act Australian'. That and play with dangerous animals for no real reason. Hmm, looks like we're all screwed then. Especially since we're all trying to act American for some reason.


4) Dumb Stereotypes: Upon mentioning this 'Aus Sucks' post to an American buddy (Sui), I received this response: 'But you have kangaroos. This is relevant.' Yes, well, we rarely ever see the bastards (unless we're driving to Canberra and we're greeting them with our cars). And apart from being comical (and a tourist attraction) kangaroos don't do all that much, except make Australia look dumb. Because people get the impression that we ride kangaroos or some nonsense... No joke, some people think this.

However, I used them as an example of good farming practises in one of my assessments, so I guess they're not all bad. Plus they're tasty.


5) Not Altering Future?!: We're in the future, Australia. As in, our clocks are set differently to others over the world. We're basically only behind New Zealand, which is no loss to anyone. But even though we're in the almighty future, we have no chance of altering it. Why? Because no one cares about Australia.

Actually, don't you have to go into the past to alter things? Gah, I give up. I think I've made whatever point I was trying to make anyway...




EDIT: Upon further investigation I've found that Tasmania is actually a part of Australia. Hmm, looks like you learn something new everyday!