Aleatz Hates Dragonball Evolution

Chow Yun-Fat looks like he's lost in a sea of excrement. That's probably closer to the truth then we'd like to believe.

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OKAY. Here’s the entire story. Goku is a 17/18 year old, white boy who goes to high school and gets picked on by all the ‘popular’ guys and called ‘Geek-u’ or some shit. He wants to bang Chi Chi, the pretty Asian chick, but he has no balls (despite the movie title this doesn’t really change throughout the film). Then he goes against his grandpa’s wishes by picking a fight with the guys at school and kicks all their arses without touching them. Suddenly Chi Chi is all over him like crumbs on a blanket.

Piccolo kills his grandpa, steals his dragonball, yadda, yadda, yadda, barf. Goku swears revenge. Meets Bulma. Barely any character introduction, but we’ll live. There’s too much to fit into the 80 minute time slot.

Master Roshi is Chow Yun-Fat, so that just shows that casting went out the window. They meet up and go searching for the other dragonballs before Piccolo gets them… Etc. They meet Yamcha. Stuff happens. Goku learns the Kamehameha in one night. Implied romance between him and Chi Chi. Piccolo’s shapeshifting henchlady, Mai, turns into Chi Chi and there’s a fight scene or something and she steals their dragonballs… More stuff happens.

The final conflict with Piccolo occurs after about an hour of suffering. He and Roshi fight. Goku learns he is actually Oozaru. Goku chucks a tanty and turns into Oozaru and kills Roshi, even though Piccolo has basically already killed him. Goku turns back to normal then destroys Piccolo or whatever. Then he uses the dragonballs to bring Roshi back to life. Yadda, yadda, yadda, end.

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Don’t watch it. Don’t consider watching it. Don’t stare at the movie poster for more than 2 seconds. It is crap. The acting sucks. The writing is terrible. The casting is sickening. It has little to do with Dragonball. It’s almost as if Fox doesn’t like success.

People bitch about the series, but at least that had entertainment value. I’m not even sure whether this was one of those ‘So bad it was hilarious’ movies, because I sniggered once while watching it and I’m pretty sure it was because Lizie was begging for the link.

I knew it would be crap. But seriously… Fox. That 100 million could have been given to starving kids in Africa! I hope you lose on this you bastards.

Aleatz Hates Kid Rock

Wow. This place is empty!

Ok, so where do I start? I think it was on one of my drives to uni where I saw a car with a stupid number plate on the back saying 'Kid Rock'. That's when I realised the world was stupid. Not just because 'All Summer Long' was a #1 hit in numerous countries, but because there was someone out there with a number plate with his name on it.

I don't really know much about Kid Rock to be honest. In fact, I can't even remember any of his songs. Only 'All Summer Long'. I wouldn't have even considered him hate-worthy were it not for that craptastic piece of shite. He took one of the most repetitive songs in the world (seriously... 3 chords over and over again), changed the lyrics, had some backing vocalists put in, yadda, yadda, yadda... Suddenly it is the "biggest hit of his career" (that should be a good indication of how great the rest of his music is). Then some chick puts a number plate with his name on it on the back of her car.

Did I mention he got awards and critical exclaim for it? I'm seriously concerned about the state of the modern music industry.