Aleatz Hates Today FM

This one is probably for all those Sydney-siders out there. Because today I shall be discussing Today FM and why no one should listen to it. If you're not from Sydney (or Australia) never fear! Thanks to my writings you too shall hate Today FM, even though you've never listened to it... Which is the way it should be.

Firstly, I shall point out that Today FM was perhaps the first radio station I regularly listened to. Anyone who has listened to it will know that Today FM is a commercial station which plays pop music and shitty talk-shows in between advertisements. When I say 'pop', I'm not simply limiting to the stereotypical pop genre, but basically music which is recent and the majority of people like listening to.

I'm fine with that. As a radio station you're allowed to play ads in order to make money. You're also allowed to play the music you think will get you the highest ratings and appeal to your target audience. But the things I have the biggest problem with is the talk. That's right.

I've discovered, now that I drive to work, that peak hour radio consists of less songs, more ads and mostly talking. When you look over to Triple M (which is owned by the same people who own Today FM, ironically) you see funny, down to earth comedy. I believe Triple M is aiming for a difference audience to Today FM, so that might explain why I prefer it.

While listening to Nova on a drive home a woman rang up and said how she used to listen to Triple M before her friends enlightened her as to how a majority of it wasn't live, etc. That woman is a moron. Sorry lady, but it's true. It's just like the people who started bitchin' when they discovered that some Chaser stunts were set up. You feel like calling those people up and saying 'Well DUH! Would you like a waffle with your dish of idiocy this morning?'

No one bitches about news on TV being pre-recorded. They only bitch when it's the people who take the piss out of things. Point is, you listen to this stuff to laugh and be entertained. Who cares if it's pre-recorded? If they spent more time editing it in order to make it funnier, who gives a crap? Cheers to them, I say. The point of all that was basically to say how I enjoy being entertained during the part of radio which isn't ads.

Which is why Today FM sucks. It's basically a giant ad for Ten nonstop. They also share their exclusive 'hot Hollywood gossip' if they run out of shit to advertise. Thanks. I really wanted to know about how much more of a whore Lindsay Lohan is. Not. Anyway, they talk about Big Brother constantly. I mean, if it wasn't already bad enough that the show airs on TV, they have the nerve to discuss it on peak hour radio.

What a way to corrupt a generation! It sickens me that people are more worried about the ratings on video games than this shit playing on radio. Kids watch those douches on Big Brother being dramatic and think that's normal. The people who end up on Big Brother are sad, bogan losers who's only achievement in life is their appearance on Big Brother, where they sleep with some other bogan on national television.

I'm going to save my bitching about Ten for another day... But the general idea behind Ten is that it wraps shit in metallic paper and hands it to teenagers and shallow women. Don't poison our airwaves with it, Ten. I know that radio is something you can avoid, but if you're a channel changer like me you're bound to hear it at some point. I honestly wouldn't hate Today FM if they weren't a billboard for Ten.

The other thing I do hate about them though, is their speeding up of music. The agenda behind it is still unclear to me (more time for Big Brother ads?), but it's pissing me off. Yeah, so if someone from Today FM ever reads this (which is VERY unlikely) tell all your people that some of us aren't morons, and we know you're speeding up the music you play.


Boourns Today FM. I'm going to Nova for my pop music fix!

Aleatz Hates Death Note

It was one night when Reo's parents happened to be out when she put on the first episode Death Note. Little did I know that utter stupidity would ensue as she described the series to me. 'Apparently it's about some guy who finds a notebook which can kill people and he uses it against criminals', she said. We both sat down and watched the first episode; an English dub off Veoh. I honestly was only there for the club soda. 'Beau recommended this to me, because he loves it. I bet it must be good.'

Thanks Beau. Remind me to send you a 'Thank You' bomb. Do you have any idea what you've done? You've made Reo fall in love with the dumbest series, that's what you've done! I'm thanking five different gods simultaneously because I managed to snatch some club soda as compensation for watching that dribble. I was clawing at my eyes as soon as it started, and now there's two holes in my face. Ah... At least club soda heals the pain...


Things which are stupid in Death Note:


Biblical Illusions- I think this was Reo's justification for the show being good. 'OMG THERE'S BIBLICAL ILLUSIONS! SO AMAZING!' If I wanted cliched Biblical references I'd read the Bible. Nothing is clever about some guy eating an apple. And don't tell me that the apple is symbolic of sin, because I've already heard it. It is very 'well duh'. Strangely enough it's in the first chapter of the Bible, and is perhaps the most known out of all chapters. I wonder if the people making Death Note knew this before they added it...

God, it's like someone making a reference to Moby Dick by shoving a whale into it. Get original you bastards.


Inanimate Object Kills People- Seen The Ring? One Missed Call? Notice a pattern? They're Japanese horrors which involve an object murdering people in some supernatural way. What a horrible plot device. Of course Death Note ignores this and makes a notebook which kills people. Slightly lamer than a tape or a mobile phone.


Light- Hmm, sounds like another egotistical bastard with the same personality as... Sasuke? No way! Actually, yes way. Apart from having brown hair and not being a ninja, Light is basically Sasuke. Both turn insane at some point. Both have serious issues. Both pure arseholes.


Source: thinklikepj.wordpress.com

Don't worry, folks. If he doesn't kill you with his notebook, he'll probably get you with that over-sized scythe. The arsehole probably thinks no one can see it, like that stupid death god.

I also find it very hard to believe it takes someone one episode to turn insane like that. Then again, Light seemed like a bit of a fruitcake from the very second he opened his mouth. Speaking English? You're Japanese, you madman! Furthermore... 'Light'? More dumb illusions? Who names their kid 'Light'? Oh. The next thing on the list does.


Light's Mum- She's a bitch. I hate her more than Simple Plan (ok, that might be a slight exaggeration). Point is she sucks. You know she's a bitch when you see her casual reaction to her son being a smartarse. If my kid was doing that well at school I'd actually give a proper reaction, and not try to turn him into a selfish bastard by offering him anything he wants. No wonder Light turned out to be such an arse.


Stupid-Looking God of Death- When he first showed up in Light's bedroom I thought 'Great, now something is finally is gonna get rid of that jerk'. What a fool I was. The death god doesn't do anything. It's a 'spectator' or some nonsense. So, it's only there to look stupid? Someone needs to give the creator a raise before shooting them.


Source: fantasticfest.bside.com

Yeah. Up yours too, redundant God of Death.


In other news, Death Note was banned in China after kids wrote down their classmates names in a 'death note'. Happened in other countries as well, but none were as strict as China. Shame really. Yeah, Death Note sucks. Oh great, Reo heard me... Yeah, this post certainly isn't Reo's opinion. She's just itching for Mondays now that Death Note is on (even though uni-wise Mondays are shit).

Aleatz Hates Facebook

I hate Facebook, yet I'm a member. The world doesn't always work the way you expect it, huh? I avoided touching MySpace for years because I thought it sounded stupid. One would ask why Facebook would be any different. I don't think it is, personally. I think both are pretty much as dumb as each other. They're both online fads which consist of pointless chatter between friends you already meet on a daily basis, and both give you millions of ways to waste time online.

Granted, being online on forums, blogs and whatnot wouldn't really be considered productive anyway. But it's not just the lack of productivity. Places like MySpace attract people and conversations which I wouldn't consider inspiring or interesting. They're full of teenagers typing with a literacy level of Dom, whilst uploading their skanky photos for all their friends (and the world) to see.

Also, why do people have so many friends in these places? I mean, look at Kevin Rudd's MySpace... DO THEY KNOW HIM PERSONALLY?! Although that's an exaggerated example, lots of people in these so called 'online communities' who have tons of friends don't actually know them as friends or think of them as friends. It's all bullshit, and people with shitloads of friends display it as some trophy for popularity. I know this, because I've seriously heard people ask 'how many friends do you have on MySpace?' as if it makes the person they're asking any less of an arse.

Figure 1: Graph regarding the relationship between the amount of friends you have on Facebook in relation to how much bullshit you're full of. Yeah, it doesn't actually make sense. Get over it.

Let us add to this the scandal regarding an application on Facebook which could record and show to your friends what website you'd viewed. Sure, most applications ask people for their permission before stuff like that, but absent-minded people like me can easily just click 'ok'. I mean, f***, I don't want anyone knowing what websites I view! Seriously, INVASION OF PRIVACY! I'm not the type of person who sings the male part of the 'Porn' song, but I still would rather people didn't see the crap I look at.

I ended up joining Facebook to see some of my friend's pictures (because clearly no one had ever told them about Photobucket), and now I use it more often than I'm proud of. Currently I'm getting emails from applications which make no sense, and friend requests from people I've never even heard of. It frustrates me. I could go in and change my email preferences but it's much easier to delete the emails.


If you haven't joined one of these places, please don't. Ignore any email I send you asking you to join. Facebook sent it, not me.

Aleatz Hates Internet Haters

There's a lot of people out there willing to belittle people for overusing the internet. Maybe you have encountered some of these people before? Well, maybe there's some truth to it, but let us all deny it and do something much more fun instead.

Here's a list to go through. If a person you know happens to do/has done one of the things on this list, they have no right to open their mouth. If you feel there is something missing, please add it via comments.

Things which are less productive than using the internet:

• Playing poker machines.
• Watching Big Brother.
• Voting for Big Brother.
• Being on Big Brother.
• Helping produce Big Brother.
• Advertising Big Brother.
• Being involved with Big Brother in any way.
• Going jogging during your lunch hour.
• Playing Lunar Genesis.
• Starting a blog.
• Updating a blog.
• Making a list on a blog.
• Commenting on a blog.
• Watching 'wrestling'.
• Working as a 'pro-wrestler'.
• Running a piercing/tattoo parlour.
• Watching Bargain Hunt.
• Being on Bargain Hunt.
• Writing a Jim Carrey movie.
• Being a politician.
• Starting a book club.
• Reading Pride and Prejudice.
• Reading manga in Borders so no one can walk through the aisles.
• Watching an Ashton Kutcher movie.
• Playing Sudoku.
• Reading New Idea, Woman's Day, or any magazine which tries to offer you 'free' make-up with its purchase.
• Composing modern 'classical' music.
• Playing modern 'classical' music.
• Listening to modern 'classical' music.
• Changing your radio station to another which is playing Simple Plan.
• Listening to Simple Plan.
• Buying a Simple Plan album.
• Being a member of Simple Plan.
• Watching a Simple Plan music video.
• Watching any music video.
• Playing the theme of Fur Elise when you can't play the piano.
• Writing a biography on John Howard.

Yes, add yours too. This list is far from complete.

Aleatz Hates Math

Boourns. Even though school is gone math still seems to follow. And in university, math is expected in courses which aren't math (like geology... which is supposed supposed to be about rocks, but somehow they manage to get you to count stuff). I don't blame people dropping math once they hit the final years of high school. Math sucks.

I remember a computer game from my youth where you had to beat monsters and solve math problems to win. Ah, that was a good game. I miss it so. Hard to believe there was subliminal MATH messages in it. Clearly my parents were brainwashing me.

I also hate people who claim they like math. How can anyone like it?! I remember I used to like it, back when it consisted of multiplication, multiple choice questions and in a video game which was relevant to me. Now it's like this:

Full view: http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h283/Aleatz/08%20Projects/Aleatz-Hates-Maths.jpg

As you can see both answers were correct, only the computer didn't recognise them because the BRACKETS WERE IN THE WRONG SPOTS. So even if you get it right, you're wrong? Is no one safe from the ludicrousy which is math? The correct answer is no.

Kids... teachers will try to convince you that math is important in the world today, but this is all lies. What do you truly need to live? Food and (for purposes of procreation) sex. Don't be fooled into thinking that math affects either of those. They might claim agribusiness and all that use math to distribute food and economics has some part to play with it, but what do they know? I bet all the food companies are just playing massive food fights in their offices. Yes, that makes sense. Math doesn't.

Boycott it while you still can. Don't grow up believing that learning how to draw a parabola will get you a good job.

Aleatz Hates Eliwood

(This animation seems vaguely familiar, now that I've made it... Hmm, maybe I subliminally copied it off someone, or maybe I just have this playing over and over in my head because I hate Eliwood so much. Who's to tell? If you do happen to recognise it, drop me a line.)

To start things off I'll tell you that Fire Emblem happens to be my favourite video game of all time. For those of you who aren't big on video games and perhaps have not heard me go on about Fire Emblem I'll give a quick summary so you don't feel left out in this post. Fire Emblem is a turn-based, anime/medieval-styled RPG strategy game. In simple terms it just means it's the video game equivalent of chess, drawn by Japanese people.

In Fire Emblem you are given a handful of characters, each with their own background and combat traits, and have to go through maps destroying other pixelated units. It is ever so much fun! However, if one of your characters dies then they remain dead for the rest of the game. Oh no! The only way to get that unit back is to restart the game and the chapter, and if the chapter is particularly hard then the player is likely to get very pissed. So here is where this post is going...

For the long time I've owned Fire Emblem 7 I have hated Marcus. This hatred blossomed after my first play through, where I came into the last chapter only to have Marcus (a unit which I had wasted a lot of experience points on, this being my first play though and all) die about midway through the chapter. Although I found this utterly annoying, I decided to keep playing and not restart to save him. Marcus has been the one and only FE character I have ever 'let die'.

So now I hate Marcus and I rarely use him (except in Hector Hard Mode where I don't really have a choice) so I have to turn all my turn-based anger onto another character. That character is Eliwood. It is a hard toss-up to say which character I hate more. Eliwood or Marcus. But recently I discovered that despite all Marcus' flaws I hate Eliwood more. Why? There is only one simple reason. He's a lord.

What's the special thing about him being a lord? It means (for all the non-FE players) that you have to take him into every chapter and if he dies the game is over. With Marcus you can simply decide not to take him into any chapters when you don't feel like it. Not the same for Eliwood. He has to go into every battle when he's in your party, despite the difficulty of the chapter or anything else.

Now that I've discussed my 'revelation' I shall go onto the fine points of this hatred.

Reasons Why Eliwood Sucks Major Arse:

1. He has red hair: His hair is so red it'd make Dom cringe. Enough said.

2. He's Prince Charming, Disney Style: He has the personality of a muppet. It seems as if Intelligent Systems hired Disney to create him just so he'd piss off whoever played this game. God damn his stupid charm and crappy, cliched personality.

3. He sucks as a unit: Congratulations Eliwood. You managed to hit that mercenary at a 100% hit rate! Knocking off that 6 points of health sure did help your party! Twerp.

4. He's Roy's father: I haven't played much of FE6, but I'm told Roy is the worst lord ever to plague the series. I could believe it. After all, he's Eliwood's son, and thus inherits his shitty red hair, shitty stats, shitty personality and shitty Marcus.

5. People keeps saying he's the best lord in the game: I won't lie, I don't get this. I mean, HOW IS ELIWOOD BETTER THAN BOTH THE LORDS?! I don't know where these people get this from... Maybe Eliwood's stats are better than Lyn's and/or Hector's, but the unpleasant combination of everything makes him suck. AND at least the other lords HAVE a good personality. What does Eliwood have? A dead father, Marcus, a shitty horse which is only available close to the end of the game, and a sword which has the same effect as the swords the other two lords have.

Lyn can dodge stuff. Hector can block stuff. Eliwood gets hit with a lance and he's dead. And then you have to restart your game BECAUSEELIWOOD'SAF***INGLORDANDIHATEHIMSOMUCHGAH!

6. He gets a f***ing horse for a promotion present: Yeah, where the f*** did the horse come from? I don't know. You don't know. Hector and Lyn don't know. I doubt even the developers know. Point is, he sucks as an unpromoted unit, and he sucks just as much as a promoted one. Although now his animation looks even dumber. Seriously, look at the frames! That horse thinks it's a donkey!

Oh, and he gets lances too. Now if Eliwood aims for the heart and his retarded horse jumps more than a foot he'll be able to actually damage something.

7. He's a wuss: Your father's dead. Shit happens. Get over it. We don't need a pretty CG showing everyone what a pansy you are.

8. He's friends with Marcus: If all the above points weren't enough, then just look at his company (and I don't mean Hector. Don't you dare taint Hector!). Marcus serves him, and his stupid son, simply because he's a stupid lord... Gee, Marcus' job must suck... I'd actually feel sorry for the guy if I didn't hate him so much.

This just in from Wikipedia as a description of Marcus- 'He is a mentor and father figure to Eliwood (who used to follow him around as a little boy) and his assistants.' This would explain a lot. Both of them are major suckage.

9. Did I mention that Hector's better?: Check out Hector in my animation. Surely this is proof enough that he's better than Eliwood. If not, look at me counter Eliwood's bad points with Hector's good ones. To start of, Hector's hair is blue, the complete opposite to red. He's reckless and has no stick up his arse. He doesn't suck as a unit, in fact, he's very good. He's not Roy's father. People often claim he's the best lord in the game, but many people say he's the worst. He owns an axe which can cut through horses. He's not a wuss. He doesn't even support with Marcus.

The only thing riding against Hector (which everyone whom argues that Hector sucks feels the urge to mention) is his promotion time (which just happens to be... Oh my! Close to Eliwood's!). Except for that, Hector is pure awesomeness. And hey, at least you don't have to force yourself to train him (like I have to do with Eliwood).

Source: http://www.feplanet.net/index.php?fep=sprites/archive/cg&id=7

Eliwood: Father... Father!
Elbert: ...I hope to... God, that... my
grandson... isn't as pathetic as this...

It brings me much satisfaction to know that Eliwood dies in Fire Emblem 6. Because if he didn't, I'd fly to Japan and force IS to make a game where he did die, preferably to the hands of me. Yay for Wikipedia saying 'At the start of the game [FE6], he is beset by illness, so he decides to stay at Castle Pherae to not be a burden on Roy.'

Yeah, curses suck, don't they Eliwood? Too bad you suck more. Boourns.

Aleatz Hates Australia('s Location)

Just so I don't get torn apart by fellow Aussies I've decided to add that last part. And that's what I'll be focusing on anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. Since Plague and I had a discussion on how 'Europeans are lucky' after hearing Puff (Virex) talk about his travels, I decided to post this. Ironically, a week after ANZAC Day.

A random teacher once said 'Why should I be patriotic? Did I choose to be born in this country?' Fine point there, sir. You didn't choose to be born in this country. But then again, I don't see you packing your bags for Russia once you hit eighteen either. Australia is the bees knees. It has a lot going for it. It has all the peaceful traits of New Zealand smashed with the excitement of America (yeah, um, *cough*). However, there's plenty of boourns to be discussed. Let us begin!

1) Big Island: Get this... Australia's an island. No really, I'm not making this shit up. It also happens to be the largest in the world. So not only is Australia an island, it's a bloody big island. There are a few positives about that. One would be the fact that if another country wants to fight us they have to swim a fair way to do it. Second one would be us having all this land to ourselves, the amazingly large 20 million population (might be a bit larger than that now) which we are.

Point is that it sucks being on a big-arse island. If you want to go to another country (like Tasmania) you have to FLY there, and that costs MONEY. Some people (like me) don't have money (but usually I just steal from Reo, so it all evens out). Being big also sucks, because if you want to go anywhere on this big island it takes a long time (and a lot of fuel) to do it. Everything is spread out stupidly. Just look at Perth.


2) Wholesale Screwage: We pay too much for crap. This is true. Video games are the worst offender, but there's plenty of other things that cost money which people don't have. The reason we get screwed into buying things which are more expensive than they should be, is because, again, we're a big f***ing island. Importing stuff costs more money (for shipping) and causes more hassle, so people don't do it unless it's something which they can't buy here.

Those lame people who flog stuff here know this, so they make us pay more than the rest of the world. It's supply and demand and they can rip us off because there's no one else to buy it from, because no one in Australia makes anything anymore. As sad as this is... Eh, that appears to be all I've got.


3) Global Fame: Want fame? Don't look for it in Australia. You won't be globally famous, even if you hit 'Delta' status (that's right. No one anywhere else but here gives a f*** about Delta Goodrem. Shocked much?). You could shoot someone famous here (like Chas from the Chasers, whom no one would want to shoot, but he's a fine example) and no one anywhere else in the world would notice or give a rat's arse. But if we're talking about Angelina Jolie's new face cream, WELL, it'll be in New Idea and all the housewives will know exactly how it stops them from looking ugly.

Steve Irwin proved that the only way of becoming truly famous (globally) in Australia is to 'act Australian'. That and play with dangerous animals for no real reason. Hmm, looks like we're all screwed then. Especially since we're all trying to act American for some reason.


4) Dumb Stereotypes: Upon mentioning this 'Aus Sucks' post to an American buddy (Sui), I received this response: 'But you have kangaroos. This is relevant.' Yes, well, we rarely ever see the bastards (unless we're driving to Canberra and we're greeting them with our cars). And apart from being comical (and a tourist attraction) kangaroos don't do all that much, except make Australia look dumb. Because people get the impression that we ride kangaroos or some nonsense... No joke, some people think this.

However, I used them as an example of good farming practises in one of my assessments, so I guess they're not all bad. Plus they're tasty.


5) Not Altering Future?!: We're in the future, Australia. As in, our clocks are set differently to others over the world. We're basically only behind New Zealand, which is no loss to anyone. But even though we're in the almighty future, we have no chance of altering it. Why? Because no one cares about Australia.

Actually, don't you have to go into the past to alter things? Gah, I give up. I think I've made whatever point I was trying to make anyway...




EDIT: Upon further investigation I've found that Tasmania is actually a part of Australia. Hmm, looks like you learn something new everyday!

Aleatz Hates Motivation (#1)

Reo has been sick (with both disease and assignments) so I decided to post a 'filler' up for her. If you haven't been to her Facebook page then you probably haven't seen Motivation. So here it is in all its glory. She'll probably come up with a second one soon, if she has enough stupid photos of herself and her stupid friends to do it.

Dammit... I hate fillers...