Aleatz Hates Fussy Eaters

I should definitely post after work from now on, because that's when I'm the most frustrated. No point me posting before and then coming home with the urge to post, is there?

Boourns on fussy eaters. I hate them. I've hated them for a while now, ever since I realised that I'll eat anything, and I guess as a form of prejudice I just hate people who don't. But it's not just prejudice... Fussy eaters are stupid.




You eat food. That's it. You don't need to be pedantic about it, because food is edible no matter what type it is. I can be soft... You know, if you're pregnant and you can't eat seafood because of mercury, fine. If you've had an operation and can't digest lead, fine. But there's some people out there who always complain about food or pick at it because they get away with it. I've classed fussy eaters into 3 main groups:


1) Selective Eaters

The Selective Eater, or as I like to call the 'snobs' of fussy eaters, always order meals a certain way just to piss people off. They're the ones who order steak 'very rare', because they know deep down in their dark, evil souls (which they use to summon Satan) that if the chef screws that one up they'll have to start again with a new steak. Why such people can't accept that their meal is still made of cow is beyond me...

And it goes further than rare steaks. Sometimes they feel the need to order a distinct type of vegetable with their roast, because they're the only ones who think potato is poisonous. 'Can I have roast yam instead of the vegetable medley?' When these people are told no by the people serving them they get all upset and say 'But, it won't cost you any extra! Why can't you do it?' Because, stupid person, the menu says 'vegetable medley'. How do you even know the restaurant even has any yam? You're just presuming it does because at the last five restaurants you 'ate' at you got baked yam.

Solution: These people need to be put to work in a restaurant kitchen, because then they'd understand that there is effort involved in making a distinct meal. If they actually made their own meals they'd probably understand this, but right now they can get away with it (because they pay others to make their own meals from the money they made screwing people over in the office).


2) Picky Eaters

Picky Eaters are the most common form of fussy. There's a bit of them in all of us. They're the ones who pick the pickle off their Big Mac, pull the tomato off their bruschetta or take the olives out of the Greek salad. Usually that's about as far as most of us go, olives, tomatoes and pickles... But the real Picky Eaters tend to pick food out of almost every meal they receive, and it gets to the point where it's just rude and ridiculous.

You don't get a meal given to you and pick at it or complain. You eat it. There's a reason why they put olives in Greek salad, because it's a f***ing Greek salad. There's other forms of salad which aren't Greek, you know? Eat those, and don't order/buy a Greek salad. And if someone gives you a salad at a dinner party just eat it all. I mean, we're only talking about the smallest foods ever, just because they taste strong doesn't mean you have to whine about it. And you know, I bet those kids in Kenya would love a piece of tomato.

Solution: Send them all to Kenya. They won't pull olives out of their nonexistent salad anymore!


3) Set Eaters

The Set Eater is the type of fussy I hate the most. Set Eaters eat the same meal all the time, an it's usually something rather bland and boring. You've probably seen them. They're the people who go into a restaurant and order a bowl of wedges every time, or order a steak at seafood restaurant. Such people obviously never got told as a kid to just eat their food, and probably had their parents making them a bland but tasty, separate meal because they 'don't like broccoli'.

Solution: It's best to get Set Eaters when they're early. Make your kid eat their meal, and if they don't eat it, don't let them eat anything else. People need to learn that food has evolved over time and gone through history and globalisation to reach their mouths. So yeah, no more wedges for you.


Yes. Boourns fussies. Booooooooourns.