Aleatz Hates Dragonball Evolution

Chow Yun-Fat looks like he's lost in a sea of excrement. That's probably closer to the truth then we'd like to believe.

[spoiler]

OKAY. Here’s the entire story. Goku is a 17/18 year old, white boy who goes to high school and gets picked on by all the ‘popular’ guys and called ‘Geek-u’ or some shit. He wants to bang Chi Chi, the pretty Asian chick, but he has no balls (despite the movie title this doesn’t really change throughout the film). Then he goes against his grandpa’s wishes by picking a fight with the guys at school and kicks all their arses without touching them. Suddenly Chi Chi is all over him like crumbs on a blanket.

Piccolo kills his grandpa, steals his dragonball, yadda, yadda, yadda, barf. Goku swears revenge. Meets Bulma. Barely any character introduction, but we’ll live. There’s too much to fit into the 80 minute time slot.

Master Roshi is Chow Yun-Fat, so that just shows that casting went out the window. They meet up and go searching for the other dragonballs before Piccolo gets them… Etc. They meet Yamcha. Stuff happens. Goku learns the Kamehameha in one night. Implied romance between him and Chi Chi. Piccolo’s shapeshifting henchlady, Mai, turns into Chi Chi and there’s a fight scene or something and she steals their dragonballs… More stuff happens.

The final conflict with Piccolo occurs after about an hour of suffering. He and Roshi fight. Goku learns he is actually Oozaru. Goku chucks a tanty and turns into Oozaru and kills Roshi, even though Piccolo has basically already killed him. Goku turns back to normal then destroys Piccolo or whatever. Then he uses the dragonballs to bring Roshi back to life. Yadda, yadda, yadda, end.

[/spoiler]

Don’t watch it. Don’t consider watching it. Don’t stare at the movie poster for more than 2 seconds. It is crap. The acting sucks. The writing is terrible. The casting is sickening. It has little to do with Dragonball. It’s almost as if Fox doesn’t like success.

People bitch about the series, but at least that had entertainment value. I’m not even sure whether this was one of those ‘So bad it was hilarious’ movies, because I sniggered once while watching it and I’m pretty sure it was because Lizie was begging for the link.

I knew it would be crap. But seriously… Fox. That 100 million could have been given to starving kids in Africa! I hope you lose on this you bastards.

Aleatz Hates Australia (Movie)

Eh, this is definitely a sarcastic one. Because I enjoyed the movie tremendously. Despite the fact that I know it's one big tourism ad for Australia. We all have to bite our tongues sometimes in this world, because money just has such a big part to play that you need to be a bit immune to it (otherwise you become a pessimist who hates everything).

I hated the fact that David Wenham (known for his role as Faramir in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy) got to be the villain, overloaded with a ton of cliched dialogue. That made me sad, because he's a great actor. All of my friends and I in the back row laughed everytime he stopped after one of his lines with a long, dramatic pause. We were the only ones who did.

And move over Bindi Irwin! Brandon Walters, who plays 'Nullah' (an aboriginal boy half-cast boy), is the new child face of Australia. He was frigging adorable. Plus it was his first film, and he had no acting experience before Baz decided he wanted him (can you blame ol' Baz?). And he apparently had never heard of Hugh Jackman or Nicole Kidman before. Ha ha... Hilarious!


Brandon Walters riding a horse. Aren't they adorable?
Source: http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200704/r138534_473231.jpg

After the first half of the movie (which could be a movie in it's own right) Hugh and Nicole don't really have any dialogue together anymore. All they do is pash, have awkward silences and do the occasional sex scene. It was pretty lame.

Final comments? This was basically the Australian version of the Titanic. A lot of money was spent on this long film, and although it is 'epic' it really is that cliched kind of epic we've seen too many times before. There are a lot of funny moments, exciting moments and all of that, but they back it up with so much predictable things, lame dialogue and Hollywood-style backdrops. If you can tolerate that kind of thing I think you'll find it to be a good movie.